One of my girlfriends was recently in the process of reducing her Facebook friends. Her friends’ list was over 800, and she realized that this list was weighing her down. She had accrued a number of these friends through networking events and social outings, but had no connection with any of these people after the event. She thought it would be beneficial to keep the connection, but ultimately found there was no value.
I told her that Facebook is just noise, and it’s okay to turn it off. Nothing in her news feed, such as the food pictures and selfies, have any direct impact on her life. The people who she talks with on a regular basis in real life are the ones who matter the most. At some point, it is necessary to identify who lifts her up and who weighs her down. For those who weigh her down, it may be time to cut off that relationship. The other person may not understand, but she needed to do what’s best for her.
My friend said I sounded like her therapist.
It’s extremely important to identify the friends and relationships that add value to your life. Your connections should be complementary and not always take-take. Those who always take may try to make you feel guilty when you don’t give. This “friend” may also play the victim and point the finger at you when things go wrong. That’s not healthy. Most likely, you will get used up and discarded when you have nothing left to give.
There is no contract between friends that says you must and will be friends forever. Developing great relationships takes time and a continuing effort by both parties. And great relationships should never be taken for granted. Quality of relationships matter because they add value to your life as well.
More on friendships:
- The True Meaning of Friendship (Psychology Today)
- Letting Go of Shitty Relationships (The Minimalists)